Ask Me Anything Dinner With Chef Marion Maur

Story by Jenny Wonderling

This is the power of gathering: it inspires us, delightfully, to be more hopeful, more joyful, more thoughtful: in a word, more alive.” -Alice Waters.

We can find meaning and hope through the simple act of sharing a meal, even when the world may feel sharp and chaotic. That is the power of communal dining, in spite of how heavy our personal or collective burden. On a warm night in October, INSIDE+OUT did just that as new and old friends gathered around a table at a home in Woodstock. In keeping with the intention of what our magazine is proliferating – a more connected and thriving community and world – we have decided to launch a series of in-person events in the Hudson Valley that celebrate and inspire the same. This dinner would be our first, and we included an element in the evening’s plans that would take guests by surprise.

Guests arrived knowing little more than, “We are gathering for a dinner cooked by Marion Maur,” a local chef who is deeply passionate about food and the power it has to weave hearts through the simple act of eating together. Former owner of Marion’s Country Kitchen, a once beloved Woodstock eatery (open 2002-2007), Marion has been an operating partner of Pappardella in NYC since 2008. When she’s not in the restaurant, she’s exploring the world for taste and dining inspo, or creating experiences that help people “to create moments of bliss, connection and conversation.”

Marion was the perfect ally to carry out the evening’s experiment since this would be more than “just” a planned meal. Besides the sublime food that Marion would serve or the relevance of what she expressed, the unexpected aspect of the evening would soon be revealed. Everyone besides the dinner’s hosts would have to wait to know about the details, though, until after the appetizers had been enjoyed.

Chef Marion Maur’s Menu

Food & Wine Pairing

All produce is organic & was donated by Taliaferro Farms

Tapas served with Cava
Tortilla: Potato, Onion, Egg
Blistered Peppers
Tomato Salad, Bonita, Red Onions, Parsley
Herb & Garlic Focaccia

Primero served with Priorat Blanco

Fideua Negra e Alioli Verde
Squid Ink Pasta, Montauk Squid, Sofrito, Parsley Aioli

Secondo served with Rioja

Iberico Secreto y Romesco
Grilled Black Iberian Heirloom Pig, Romesco Sauce,
Sauteed Braising Greens

Postre served with Queso

Spanish cheese, Hudson Valley Apples
Flan

“Food helps to create moments of bliss, connection and conversation.” -Marion Maur

Amidst the cacophony of guests getting to know each other or catching up with Marion and her husband, Adam Jacobs, busy preparing and plating our meal in the open kitchen, guests sang the merits of Marion’s tapas. Blistered homegrown peppers, tomato salad with bonito, red onion, and parsley, herb and garlic focaccia, a Spanish egg frittata (aka tortilla) simply made with heirloom and organic ingredients harvested locally, with the exception of the fish. INSIDE+OUT’s Editor, Terry Dagrosa, and Creative Director, Jenny Wonderling, had teamed up as the evening’s hosts and were putting the finishing touches on the table between snippets of conversations and bites. Glasses clinked, utensils and pots clanged, while Marion lauded the inspiration for our night’s menu: taste adventures enjoyed during a recent family trip to Spain, and the nuanced umami flavor of squid ink. These would be the underpinnings of our dinner, and specifically a delicious First Course of squid ink pasta, soon to be served.

“It’s around the table and in the preparation of food that we learn about ourselves and about the world.” -Alice Waters

Eventually, everyone assembled at the table, and the sweet murmur of banter gave way to deeper listening and presence. Jenny explained the evening’s social experiment, a literal “dream-child,” that had awoken her abruptly months ago. Four words seemed to have dropped loudly through the stars: “Ask Me Anything Dinners.” Bleary-eyed and half asleep, a vision soon unfurled in the dark: guests at a long shared table, laughing, listening intently, eating together.

Guidelines were offered that would inspire open-hearted communication and deep listening, a level of authentic sharing that had stories and emotions of all kinds tumbling out, along with compassion. Jenny had written all this on a scrap of paper in the half-light in a penmanship that seemed to be not her own.

By the end of Marion’s feast, we would find out together if this somnolent idea was one worth repeating.

The Ask Me Anything Dinner Guidelines

• First “round” of the dinner questions: 10 guests introduce themselves again to reestablish names and share an answer to a question that evokes something personal about them. Our first question for everyone to answer: “What makes your soul sing, and are you honoring that by giving that passion time in your life?“
• A pile of other preplanned questions sits in a receptacle for the next rounds. These questions will revolve around a theme. Our theme this evening was food.
• Each person in the group agrees to hold a space that feels safe and encourages intimacy, honesty and connection.
• The first person draws a question from the basket. If it doesn’t elicit a personal story, the guest can share this with the group to answer. If no one has an answer, the prior person must answer the next question they draw.
• One person speaks at a time as they answer their selected question, no matter what size group. The person shares from the heart but also is considerate of time. (Shares can also be timed depending on group size.)
• Everyone else listens to the answer to avoid cross-talk and encourage greater presence and less of the usual din of a large group.
• Answers are to be received with compassion and without interruption.
• What is shared in the circle stays in the circle.

“Food, in the end, in our own tradition, is something holy. It’s not about nutrients and calories. It’s about sharing. It’s about honesty. It’s about identity.” – Louise Fresco

Ask Me Anything questions about Food:

1. The sexiest meal I’ve had?
2. What was my most memorable/unexpected meal?
3. If I could have three people at my table for a meal- from any time in history, who would they be and why?
4. Dinner with my family growing up was…
5. Who was the cook in my family? My favorite dish? Share something about both.
6. Do love and food go hand in hand for me, and why? How does that show up in my life? (Or not enough?)
7. What is the worst or most embarrassing meal I’ve ever had? (And not necessarily because of the food.)
8. Were “Sunday family meals” a part of my growing up/regular formative experiences? Any best or worst memories? Do I think this tradition might help nurture individuals and the collective, and why?
9. For our last two questions, we allowed two spontaneous questions to emerge.

The Inspiration Behind our Ask Me Anything Dinners

Wherever you are, be totally there. – Eckhart Tolle

Some of these guidelines were inspired by an Indigenous practice of circular communication called “Council,” which Jack Zimmerman and many peacekeepers worldwide also work with to invite deeper connection (even amongst adversarial groups, in prisons and restorative justice settings and more.) On the Ways of Council website, they explain Council this way: “This practice elicits an experience of true community, recognizing that each voice needs to be heard, that every person has a gift, a story to share, a piece of the whole. How do we remember all our relations, embrace differences, and find our own voices while opening to others? It seems more than ever an essential time in our nation and around the world to awaken this deep relational heart-mind.” Indeed, we need these things now more than ever.

“Speaking and listening from the heart can connect people authentically in a way that strengthens relationships, actually deepens relational consciousness and builds stronger communities.” -Ways of Council

This is what the Council practice offers, but in the end, we found our Ask Me Anything dinner also gifted us. Heartfelt and hilarious stories were shared, tears, much laughter, and often, too, compliments to the chef or joyous requests to “pass that dish please,” as plates filled again and again. Ten strangers of many cultures and experiences soon emerged as friends, with a profound sense that we had slowed time together, maybe even traveled.  Some at the table had grown up with raucous multi-generational dinners; others had experienced quiet meals with a single parent.  Whatever our backgrounds, we all recognize the important power that food plays upon culture and individuals and which goes way beyond alimentation.

Ask Me Anything Again?

“Do you think the Ask Me Anything format works? Would you join us for another dinner like this?” Guests enthusiastically exclaimed they would, appreciating how “everyone seemed much more present than at a usual dinner” and felt conversations were immediately deeper. One person added that they loved that “voices weren’t competing to be heard and that it was generally calmer while still being super interesting.”

The evening also confirmed that more Ask Me Anything dinners are definitely on the horizon for INSIDE+OUT– and soon! Space will be limited, so be sure to be the first to receive an invitation in your inbox. Sign up for our newsletter.

An Experiment Worth Repeating

We hope you will also consider exploring this powerful offering with your friends and family this holiday season. In a culture of too much isolation, judgment and division, this practice invites emotional intimacy, healing and authentic connection. Make it a potluck, cater your event, order in, or put on your apron and play chef. The culinary ingredients shared are secondary to the nourishment of presence, deep listening, and honesty. Set your theme, write up enough questions for each person (plus a few extra), and invite curiosity, play and inclusion. You will not be disappointed! If you do hold your own, we would love to hear about your experience! Please send us a note to @[email protected]

Success! Thank you Marion for your divine food. Thank you to all who joined us and courageously shared your stories. And lastly, thank you, incredible Hudson Valley farmers!

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Marion’s Favorite Local Food Sources

• Delaney Taliaferro, Taliaferro Farms, New Paltz. Like the fresh produce purchased locally for our evening’s meal, Marion explained, “I bought all my produce for Marion’s Country Kitchen from Delaney’s dad, Pete, where with every visit I learned…and learned…about sustainability and family values.”
• Jane and Richard at Northwind Farms, Tivoli. “All poultry came from Northwind at my restaurant. I would schlepp to Tivoli to pick up the turkeys for Thanksgiving service, to see the livestock, the slaughterhouse, and Richard and Jane. Their son continues to grow their farm…”
• Ray Tousey, Germantown, NY. “Best creamed honey. I also love his blackcurrant juice (so nutritious and delicious.)”
• White Feather Farms, on Rte 212, Saugerties. “For my own consumption I will happily drive every Saturday during the season to buy their produce, eggs, maple syrup, or a mystery dinner. Their farm is a beautiful fairy tale! I also recommend going and participating in their local outreach program“

Photos by Chase Pierson | Website |  @chasepiersonphotography

Connect with Marion Maur @marionscountrykitchen